Friday, December 21, 2007

Shower drama

So here's the story of my shower with Ruby:

Originally plan to take a shower while Ruby plays in the bathroom
Vacuum out the bathroom
Close the toilet lid
secure cabinet doors with elastic
blockade the trashcan with laundry basket with toys
doesn't work, so I put a large box in front
blockade the other trash can with the potty
doesn't work, so I put the small trash can in the large trash can
she's still climbing over the potty to reach for the toilet cleaner and vinegar
put an empty kitty litter container on top of potty
ok, now I undress
put clothes on sink and on top of toilet where she can't get it
ruby screams and screams and won't let go of my legs
in moment of desperation, I decide to take her in the shower with me
I run out naked to get a new diaper
pull out a towel for her
pull off her clothes as she screams bloody murder
give her a rubber ducky
climb into the shower and bring her in
she yells for the first while, rubbing the water out of her eyes
I reach for the shower head which is about 9 feet off the ground (why oh why is it so high?), and I jump for it and push it several inches to the left
I wash my face and hair
shampoo the baby's hair
conditioner in my hair
soap up the babe's armpits and crotch
pick her up to rinse her and almost drop the now extremely slippery baby
we are all rinsed and washed
climb out and wrap her in a towel
put her down and dry myself
pick her up and find a large suspicious pool of "water" on the floor
sniff it numerous times but can't tell if it's pee
wipe it up
trying to get dressed but ruby is clutching my leg, sucking her thumb and reaching for my pubic hair
manage to get her head and arm stuck in my underwear as I try to pull it up
ok underwear and bra on, so now I dress her amid major squirming and screaming
want the night light honey? the hair dryer cord? don't throw it!
leave her on the floor screaming (but she's DRESSED!)
get dressed myself the rest of the way while ignoring the fact that she's sitting among the towels that mopped up the what-might-be-pee
run upstairs with her while she's doing the back dive out of my arms, get her bunny, nurse her, and she goes to sleep.
Go downstairs and do damage control.

Lordy. Never again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like the kind of day we've been having around here lately with all of us being sick. I can relate!

8:26 AM  
Blogger Mama Grouch said...

Heh, heh, heh....


for some reason unsourced liquids are really funny.

6:22 AM  

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