She's in her second month now
Let's see. What's new... Ruby's getting fatter and bigger faster than I can believe. Her focus is getting better, and now when she nurses she looks around suspiciously, like a spy. She also has fairly long happy awake times in the morning where she coos and screams just to hear herself. Her signature move is where she swings her arm straight up in front of her like a salute while putting the other fist over her tummy. I call it the triple axle. It's a triumphant gesture to signal that she's done eating.
On the not so cute side, she won't stay asleep once I detach her to put her in the crib. It drives me nuts. She'll look totally asleep and as soon as I put her down, she starts to rub her face back and forth and freaks out. So I'm going on the 4th night in a row where I've been up so much, I can't even remember how often or how long I've been sleeping or awake.
Other than the baby, there's not much going on. I've been feeling a little panicky about my life. I've been under the vague impression that I'd be able to resume some of my other activities a couple months after the birth, but then I think about the fact that all she's eating for the first six months is coming straight out of me. It's probably not worth it for me to go back to the cafe before she starts on solids. Then I start wondering if raising Ruby's only going to get harder from now on instead of easier. Maybe all my activities are going to have to be on hold until she starts school. I mean, sometimes I feel lucky to have found a minute to quick pee. Whenever my hands are free, I have this wild moment where I look around and wonder what things I have to do and have time to finish in the time I have. These tasks are things like putting some laundry away, do maybe two dishes, pee, grab my bottle of water, locating her pacifier, brushing my teeth, replenishing my stack of clean rags within easy reach, and so on. Painting a picture or doing a costume design is so far beyond my scope, it's not even funny.
Well, it sounds really corny, but despite all that, I'm still glad she's here and she's mine. I'll be ready to cry and keel over in the middle of the night, and then in the murky darkness I spy a quick smile as she wakes up to nurse, and then I don't feel so quite so tired.
On the not so cute side, she won't stay asleep once I detach her to put her in the crib. It drives me nuts. She'll look totally asleep and as soon as I put her down, she starts to rub her face back and forth and freaks out. So I'm going on the 4th night in a row where I've been up so much, I can't even remember how often or how long I've been sleeping or awake.
Other than the baby, there's not much going on. I've been feeling a little panicky about my life. I've been under the vague impression that I'd be able to resume some of my other activities a couple months after the birth, but then I think about the fact that all she's eating for the first six months is coming straight out of me. It's probably not worth it for me to go back to the cafe before she starts on solids. Then I start wondering if raising Ruby's only going to get harder from now on instead of easier. Maybe all my activities are going to have to be on hold until she starts school. I mean, sometimes I feel lucky to have found a minute to quick pee. Whenever my hands are free, I have this wild moment where I look around and wonder what things I have to do and have time to finish in the time I have. These tasks are things like putting some laundry away, do maybe two dishes, pee, grab my bottle of water, locating her pacifier, brushing my teeth, replenishing my stack of clean rags within easy reach, and so on. Painting a picture or doing a costume design is so far beyond my scope, it's not even funny.
Well, it sounds really corny, but despite all that, I'm still glad she's here and she's mine. I'll be ready to cry and keel over in the middle of the night, and then in the murky darkness I spy a quick smile as she wakes up to nurse, and then I don't feel so quite so tired.
posted by Joanne at 2:49 PM
2 Comments:
Joanne,
All the mothers I know swear that it does get better; in fact, they swear to goes by too fast! You will one day sleep through the night again! Maybe not any time soon, but it'll happen. I just can't wait to hear when she's talking because I know she will have a million interesting observations on this strange world she inhabits.
Karen
Hi Joanne
I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Reading your blog is the only chance I get to be in touch with you, anymore. I have been running around like a crazy person doing theater work- it's cool- but not as cool as Ruby. I think you will have a life outside of mom-life, someday. I really can't imagine what you are going through- but I can tell that it's worth it- and Ruby is so cute and full of baby joy and all that cheesy stuff. I will call you soon to set up a time to come over and see you and your boobs. Have fun. Love,
KA
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