Monday, July 31, 2006

Really mad at health system

So I had really bad morning sickness last week and so I called a midwife connected with my health insurance and she suggested I come in just to make sure that I was still healthy and to suggest some anti-nausea medications. So after my visit, I find that I am ok, but that I have lost just a little weight. Anyway, the thought of spending the next week like the previous one has me shuddering with nausea and so I gratefully accept their prescription for some metoclopramide pills. Seeing as I've been prescribed this for morning sickness, I assume that these pills are safe for pregnant women. Well, I find online that they are in Pregnancy Category B, which means, "Animal reproduction studies have failed to demonstrate a risk to the fetus and there are no adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women OR Animal studies have shown an adverse effect, but adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women have failed to demonstrate a risk to the fetus in any trimester."

Great. Anyway, I have lost faith and immediately stopped taking the meds (luckily I've only taken a total of about 7 pills), choosing puking over these dubious drugs. I am fortunately feeling pretty good today despite throwing up a couple times, and I am determined not to trust my midwife anymore about medications. I'll smoke pot before taking anything they recommend.

So all you pregnant people out there-- don't implicitly trust your doctor, nurse, or midwife. They're all full of shit and are getting kickbacks from the pharmeceutical companies. They have no consciences and will rot in hell.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I had this dream that I found a little white door to get into Narnia. I could fly in this Narnia, and it was an unearthly landscape, mainly covered in water. There were vast amounts of bogs and swamp, but also pristine lakes with strange trees popping out of the middle. I would glide over the surface of the water. There was a part where the bogs and everything started to slant in a very strange way and it was clear that it was a gentle slope leading towards a water fall. But the whole water surface was tilted, which was totally weird.

As dreams go, I was back at the beginning of the dream and I re-found the white door which was in the middle of a shopping mall. I was there with Jonner and couple other people and we had tons of stuff. We wrapped it all up like it was going to get shipped somewhere and Jonner wanted to take it all into Narnia. I said no way am I taking a giant Calphalon pan on my back the whole time in Narnia, so I climbed into the door and stuffed the pan under some trees once we got into Narnia. We tried to slip in as surreptitiously as possible so that people in the mall wouldn't notice. Then I climbed to the side to let the others through. But after everyone came through, a couple minutes later, I came through. It was me from the past and I quickly hid so that the past me wouldn't see me. And the past me was way cuter than me. She had glasses and a cute little haircut and I felt unkempt and shaggy compared to her. The end.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Damn food

My stomach seemed to recover for about a week and now the sickness is back again full force. It's the horrible feeling of being insanely hungry and wanting to throw up at the same time that's killing me. I could deal with one or the other, but both is hard to bear. And the blissful moments after I eat only last for a couple minutes before I'm ready to throw it all up again.

I've been couch-ridden for a couple days now. It sucks because I'm only able to handle the bare minimum of housework and I'm behind on everything. I keep hearing that I'll be feeling better in a couple weeks, but that seems oh so far away.

I keep trying to imagine this cute little baby growing inside me, but it always turns into a little gremlin clawing at my insides. How can such a miracle make me feel so crummy?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


I had a dream this past weekend that I was in a hotel room with 4 or 5 beds. When I pulled back the covers on each one, I found a couple fried eggs in the bed.

So although I've tried to keep this journal strictly to the minutiae of my life, I feel that I should make at least one comment about the situation in the Middle East. How can the US not be calling for an immediate ceasefire and tell Israel to back the hell up? I cannot believe that Israel is being allowed to react to Lebanon in such an extreme, inhumane, and bloody way. And too bad for Israel. If there was any way to create an even bigger group of crazies bent on their destruction, this was it.

Alright. Time for a shower and some housecleaning.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Moan and Groan

Oh nausea. I feel like I'm always throwing up. Even when there's nothing in my stomach, I'm heaving. Today I threw up a little banana and some yogurt along with chamomile tea, but I kept down small amounts of rice salad, potato chips, V8, ginger beer, and a lemon cookie. I'm simply not eating enough, but what can I do when it all seems to be coming back up anyway?

I'll post pictures once my tummy actually looks like a pregnant tummy and not just a water retaining fat tummy.

Last night Coco jumped on my face in the middle of the night and nearly killed me with fright. (And a couple of his feet landed on my neck, but luckily he didn't put too much pressure on) Right now he's trying to lick my fingers and be a general pest.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Summer lull

Well, everybody has left cyberspace for the summer, it seems, so I guess I'll mostly be talking to myself. Which is fine by me.

For whoever may be reading, I am 8 weeks pregnant and going through some wild hormonal changes. I thought I could maybe get away with not having morning sickness, but it's here and I can't seem to break away from the toilet for very long periods at a time. (Both to pee and vomit) Hopefully all this will subside soon. (Oh please god.)

My stomach seems to be sticking out further, but I can't tell if it's the bloating and water retention, or the baby. Supposedly, my baby now has a heartbeat (how nuts is that?) and has little nubby webbed fingers and toes. I know pregnancy happens to a gazillion women, but I can't help feeling like I'm the only one experiencing all this craziness. I go around telling everybody all my symptoms, and I'm only now realizing that nobody really cares but me. Oh well.

It's crazy hot here and I can't wait for a little cool weather and rain. All my plants are parched and unhappy. I'm glad my weeds are unhappy, but not glad that my veggies are unhappy.

Well I think I might go hurl some more.